


honey never tasted sweeter

by kingfauna



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, i dont know, i dont think anyones going to die, i'll try not to kill anyone for once, im sorry, major breakup i guess, theres probably gonna be some kind of sex later on, theres some self-harm in here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-20
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2017-12-12 11:18:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/810989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingfauna/pseuds/kingfauna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You had to swallow hard, biting back the things you really wanted to say. Might as well start with.. baby steps. Right?  You couldn't live a relationship like this your whole life, anyhow. Being kept a secret was absolute hell. “Sol?”</p><p>You could tell he’d known what was coming next. Yet, if it was hurting him at all the think about it, he was doing a damn good job at hiding it from you. “Eridan, I thwear to god if thith ith about uth I don’t want to have to hear your bullthit again.” Unfortunate for him, this was in fact about your supposed relationship. But the words were sort of jammed in your throat, clogging up. You couldn’t get them out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ( let it be known that endfic is eripsii )

There was one reason your boyfriend never kissed you in public, or openly held your hand, or walked you to your next class like you would have loved him to. You told yourself countless times he’d only needed time to adjust, but after two long years of dating, it wasn't adjusting he needed anymore.

He was ashamed of you.

He didn't want the world to know you were his boyfriend; that you loved him, and that he hopefully loved you back just as much. Sometimes, you told yourself your relationship was purely physical, and that’s what you thought it was, had it not been for the way he held you close at night, mumbling sweet nothings to you in his sleepy state. You’d believe it were only physical, if when no one else was around, he didn't show you so much affection.

Perhaps all you needed was out of this relationship. And you told yourself this even as the two of you rested facing one another, gentle fingertips brushing your hair away from your face and your own hand holding his wrist gingerly. It was on your mind; you made as much clear to him for his brows knit and he watched you closely. Waiting; just waiting for you to say it. To say something; anything to ease his worry. 

You had to swallow hard, biting back the things you really wanted to say. Might as well start with.. baby steps. Right? You couldn't live a relationship like this your whole life, anyhow. Being kept a secret was absolute hell. “Sol?”

You could tell he’d known what was coming next. Yet, if it was hurting him at all the think about it, he was doing a damn good job at hiding it from you. “Eridan, I thwear to god if thith ith about uth I don’t want to have to hear your bullthit again.” Unfortunate for him, this was in fact about your supposed relationship. But the words were sort of jammed in your throat, clogging up. You couldn’t get them out.

He seemed to get that when he groaned, realizing you weren’t about to speak up anytime soon, pulling away from you and sitting up, rubbing his temples frustratedly. Maybe a part of him, deep down where you just couldn’t see or reach, didn’t want to lose you. But, evidently, that part of him wasn’t dominant in the slightest. Or clear enough to you. And that’s what scared you the most. That he didn’t actually care; that this was all a joke and he kept you around because you were good enough for him in bed, and because you’d promised to help him pay for university once he graduated since his own family could hardly afford it. That he entertained you all this time; bullshitted his love for you just so he could get somewhere in life.

Because you’d wanted only the best for him. The best university, the biggest and brightest future. 

The thought was enough to get you to build up your courage, equally sitting up with a grunt. “Yes, this is about us, dammit. About us an’ the goddamn’ fact that you can’t even flaunt me around in public like a proper fuckin’ boyfriend oughta do. S’fuckin’ ludicrous, Sol. Ridiculous, even. What am I, to you? A big, walkin’ fuckin’ joke? A secret you can just—” it played out like it always did. When you rambled on for so long that it gave him a headache, he would shut you up by forcefully grabbing your face and mashing your lips together. Every other day but today, that would shut you up. It would do you well enough to drop all line of thought and forgive him for hiding your relationship. But today, it would not suffice. You were sick of his games, and it was time the two of you took a little time off.

You had to tear yourself away from his kiss, though he only pulled you back in for another. You tried struggling back but the instant he held your face like you were his precious little treasure and softened his kisses, your mouth was mindlessly working against his own in acceptance till the two of you were laying back down and his arms were secured around you like he never wanted to let you go, tucking your head against his chest and kissing the top of it in a form of reassurance.

And as always, you were suddenly worry-free. And never happier to have been in his embrace.

Your name is Eridan Ampora, and you need out of this relationship before it ruins you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( trigger warning: self-harm )

By the time morning rolled around the corner, you were already up bright and early, shuffled off into the barthroom upstairs, located practically beside Sollux’s room. It generally served a better purpose for Sollux’s lazy ass, since he practically never moved much from his seat the instant he got so focused and lost in all of his coding and games. You’d made it your own responsibility to even feed him anymore. He often forgot to eat and as much as it bothered you, when you harassed him about it you felt like nothing more than a pure hypocrite. You didn’t eat too frequently yourself and unlike him, it was absolutely voluntary. You often wondered if progressively killing yourself like this with malnourish was the right choice. That, and you hardly found any worth in yourself lately, especially not when you were trapped in this silly relationship and even when escape seemed easy; attainable, even, it was always just out of reach. You’d be seconds away from crawling out, only to have Sollux pull you back down.

You wondered, sometimes, if your boyfriend would ever notice the things you did. The amounts of self-loathing you would do at times. He probably didn’t, though he was aware enough of the scars littering your body. If that wasn’t a big enough sign to him that practically screamed it out, you didn’t know what would grab his attention more. He never stuck around to treat your cuts and he especially never said a word about them. He’d look down at them, then act as though not a thing were there. Like your arms were clean of any signs.

Though this morning, he seemed to get a hint when he’d stirred out of sleep, reaching his arms into the empty space beside him. You could hear the violent shifting of his bed and the groans he made as he sat up and slowly got out of bed. And before you knew it, right when you thought he was about to fall back asleep and give up on searching for you with just once peek around the room, you heard his feet dragging across the floor, slugging out of his room and your way. “Eriiiidaaaaaaaan.”

You wouldn’t answer, not in the state you were in. You hated to lie, but your morning routine had taken place and you would have loved to avoid him seeing you like this. If he witnessed it, he would definitely get mad at you.

Like you always did, you would pull on your pompous little act, as though not a thing were wrong. As though you hadn’t just placed the razor along the edge of the sink and sat back down along the edge of the tub, staring out distantly at the doorway. Just waiting for him to come in. To face this.

“Eridaaaaaan.” He called again, rounding out of his room, still dragging his feet along the fake wooden flooring. “Eridan ith practically theven in the fucking morning, come back to bed before I have to drag your athh back here.” You hung your head low in accumulating shame, awkwardly hunching and hiding your arms between your legs as well as you could manage. Though, of course, that wasn’t at all the proper way to hide the masses of blood, especially on skin as pale as yours (despite the freckles).  
When he finally pushed his way past the bathroom door, his brows only knit in way that showed he was trying to make out the blurs through bleary eyes, trying to comprehend the splotches of red in deep concentration.

“Jethuth fucking chritht, Eridan. I thought you were over thith bullthhit.” Though his words were harsh, you could tell there was a small hint of worry in his voice. And although you were bleeding, and the cuts on your arms stung more than anything else, you couldn’t help but give him a small, goofy smile. Not a thing was wrong right now. You felt relief, and that’s all that mattered to you. You could forget about any problems for now, even if one had just presented itself to you.

You looked up, watching him, barely meeting his eyes when he marched over to you, cursing and lowering himself down to your level, snatching your wrists up in his hands and frowning. He was a little woken up now, given the scare you just gave him. “Eridan, lithten to me.” He said firmly, and you only nodded with half the attention you could give him. “You’re going to thtop thith, are we clear? No more cutting and we’re going to TALK. Jutht like you wanted, alright? I give up, Eridan. I’m not going to keep waiting for you tell me about thethe damn thcarth, you’re going to tell me right now.” He was being dead serious, his voice alarmingly stern. Without waiting for your word on this, he was back up on his feet, grabbing a cloth and running it under tap water, then twisting it until it was only damp.

“Thith ith going to thting.” He warned you, but you already knew that. You’d gone over this ritual a hundred times, you knew the cleanup stage was only the hardest. You only nodded once more. Returning the nod, he lowered himself once more and carefully worked at cleaning the blood off. Throughout his work and your whimpers, you noticed his expression softening, and slowly but surely, there wasn’t a fond look on his face, but a sad one. He even paused and pulled back at one point, raising an arm to wipe his forehead. As innocent as he’d tried to make the action look, you knew that by the angle his arm was in, that he was actually wiping away tears that had welled up at his eyes.

“Eridan?” he asked softly, raising his eyes to meet yours, hurt crossing his face almost instantly. It was obvious to you, and to anyone else what was coming next. “..Ith it my fault you do thith to yourself?” Even if you’d seen it coming, you didn’t at all know how to respond. You couldn’t nod, you couldn’t shake your head. Whose fault was it really?

He didn’t expect a reply from you, you could tell. He lowered his head again. “I’m thorry,” he mumbled, before falling silent once more. You didn’t answer. You hung your head low in shame, for when Sollux Captor apologized, he truly meant it. Even to you it wasn’t a common occurrence.

 

The two of you didn’t talk since, cuts cleaned and the both of you dressed for the day, downstairs at the dinner table with his father preparing the usual breakfast. Chocolate chip pancakes coated in thick layers of honey, just as the Captors liked it.

Honey was a reoccurring thing in this family. Sollux used to love coating your lips in it as a poor excuse to get to kiss you at the dinner table with Mr. Captor snickering at your foolish young love. And you remembered that one day they’d forgotten to buy honey; fresh out and panic had quite literally broken out in the house and left you and Sollux to run out at nine in the morning to the nearby grocery store to grab some more. The two of you had spent nearly an hour there, hands places, making out in the aisle you’d picked it from before an employee swung your way and threatened to kick the two of you out if you didn’t stop your nonsense as it was ‘bothering the customers’. You could have cared less about what the customers thought. He was your boyfriend and you loved him.

WAS your boyfriend. LOVED him. He was barely a boyfriend to you anymore, wasn’t he? You were drifting further and further apart. For all you knew, he was probably seeing someone else. Someone better than you. Someone who wasn’t a pain to deal with like you; who probably didn’t put him down as much as you did with the stupid little things you did and said.

No one brought the topic up, or any topic at all between the both of you. Mr. Captor, on the other hand, was not at all enjoying the heavy silence at the dining table this morning. “..You boys get a nice sleep?” he asked hesitantly, having to clear his throat first which grabbed both of your attentions at once.

Sollux shrugged and in turn, so did you. “I guethh.” He responded, failing to bring up the same thing he generally did every morning in the past which had been; ‘Yeah, Eri wath warm and comfy.’ You had a feeling you wouldn’t be hearing any of that anymore. Not unless you could fix this relationship anytime soon, which you greatly doubted you could.

“That’s good.” He said, his voice lispless unlike Sollux’s. He had a lisp, but it only showed when he was angry. Otherwise, he controlled it better than Sollux ever did. “Something big happen this morning? The two of you were up and out of bed pretty early.” He joked. Little did he know, something did happen this morning. And perhaps he regretted his words and wanted to take them back when his son pushed his chair back with a “Thankth for the breakfatht, dad.” And abandoned the dining room the very moment after. Naturally, Mr. Captor turned to you with a look of worry.

“What was that all about?” he asked you quietly, hoping Sollux hadn’t heard him.

You didn’t mean to, but you sort of instantly broke down at that.


	3. Chapter 3

The way Mr. Captor held you then, you wouldn’t lie, was practically the sweetest thing. It wasn’t a first, since you and Sollux often argued over things nowadays, or he’d skip his meds and a moodswing would kick in and you’d be terrified enough crying like you always did pathetically. You couldn’t handle his moodswings sometimes. You’d try and stand up for yourself, only to be thrown the most spiteful words; enough to shut you up, surprisingly. You’d cling to Mr. Captor desperately every time, nose buried deep into his shoulder, in need of desperate comfort and he would gladly rub your back soothingly as would a good father (even if he wasn’t your own) to calm you down. He was warm and he smelt strangely like honey today. It was nice and oddly enough it felt like home to you; it felt welcoming.

Within instants, you were quietly breathing into his shoulder, a little less shaken than before. “You smell nice, Mr. Captor.” You mumbled, trying to break the awkward, heavy silence in the room that had fallen then over the two of you (besides the sounds of your crying and hiccupping, of course). He laughed quietly; pleasantly, even, never once pulling back from the embrace. Not until he was sure you were better, of course.

“I do, don’t I?” he mused, grinning at you. You didn’t need to see his face to know the look on it. You just knew he was grinning. He always did and for whatever reason, you’d noticed that. “Bought a new brand of shampoo.” He started pridefully, like it was the best damn thing he’d ever done. But before he could finish, you spoke up. “Let me guess, honey-scented?”  
There was a split second of silence, then the man was pulling back, laughing.

“You got me there, kid.” He said, raising his hands up in defeat as he laughed. “Of course it’s honey-scented.” He confirmed. Small talk, joking around, and sweet words of comfort… every little thing you discussed with this man seemed to relieve you, no matter how little or stupid your discussions were. You’d have killed to grow up with a father this sweet, but unfortunately, you’d been raised by the drunken monstrosity known as none other than Dualscar. Or at least, that’s what he liked to go by. He’d get genuinely mad if you called him otherwise. He was Orphaner Dualscar, great pirate of the fucking seas. Oh, how sick one gets of their father’s stupid pirate nonsense. You’d been into pirates and the lot yourself for the longest time, until you’d brought it up with your father and he’d always outdo you with his grand pirate stories himself. They were great at first; inspiring and you were always the curious little lad who sat by and listened. You grew up like that. To admire your dad like a role model. Until you’d gotten to see the unpleasant side of him.

You wondered how Mr. Captor ever could handle him, or as he himself went by in those days, The Psiioniic. See, your father and Sollux’s father dated back in their highschool years, until Dualscar got Mrs. Serket pregnant (more than once, too) and ended up having you and Vriska. You really did hate calling that bitch your sister. You two never quite got along, let’s just go with that. Around the time Mrs. Serket (or Marquise Spinneret Mindfang, at the time) was expecting Vriska, your father and Mr. Captor had unfortunately broken things off and gone their own ways. Neither really worked out, since Mr. Captor’s wife died in an accident a couple years ago, and Mrs. Serket and your own father hardly ever even talked anymore. You rarely even got to see your sister anymore, and thank god for that.

And anyway, now you could have all of Mr. Captor’s hugs that you wanted and not have your father giving you death threats for ‘stealing his man’.

And now that you think about it, that was an awfully odd thought of you to come up with. Just as you were about to shrug the thought off, Mr. Captor cleared his throat and pulled on a serious look, lowering himself onto his seat, reclining as much as he could with the dinner table chair. “So,” he started, folding his hands behind his head, cocking an eyebrow at you curiously. Looks like you weren’t about to be let off the hook like you usually were. This had happened far too many times, and he most definitely wanted answers. “What’s going on between you and Sollux?” he asked, his voice surprisingly calm.

It took enough courage to build up an answer, slumping down in your chair and avoiding his curious gaze. “Boyfriend problems.” You sort of said instead of the answer you’d formed in your head. And ‘boyfriend problems’ both seemed to make more sense than that idea, as well as the most logical thing to say. He seemed to take it, nodding curtly. As much as you’d like to say that was enough information, to him it obviously wasn’t. This WAS his son you were talking about, he had every given right to be curious about it. He’d lived the boyfriend problems too, he’d know. Your father was about as big a handful as you are and could ever be. Maybe more, not that you’d know. You weren’t even around at the time.

“Aaaaaaaand?” he was waiting for you to elaborate. Boyfriend problems definitely wasn’t a good enough excuse.

“Haven’t been getting’ along.” You answered. He was quick to jump in, still demanding a more elaborate explanation. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand?” You had to mutter a few things under your breath, slumping down your chair to the furthest extent.

“I don’t know, I guess we just haven’t been agreein’ on things.”  
And, naturally, that just wouldn’t suffice for within instants, he’d brought up yet another; “And?”

From the built frustration, you realized there wasn’t any other way out of this. Quickly enough, you extended your arms, then rolled one sleeve up at a time to reveal your collected scars, causing Mr. Captor to frown at the sight. He examined the scars a moment longer, and carefully, his gaze traveled back up to your face, the concern clear. “Is this what the two of you… haven’t been agreeing on?” he asked, hesitating between words. He clearly didn’t want to talk about the scars, but he had to. You obviously needed help before this problem got any worst. Nodding, he took one of your wrists and tugged your arm closer, further examining the scars. “Eridan?” he asked quietly after a moment, and you only nodded again. “You wanna talk about it?”

The problem was, COULD you talk about it? Could you really tell someone how sick you were of being Sollux’s little secret boyfriend, when you couldn’t even tell Sollux himself first? This seemed to be the type of problem you’d have to address with your own boyfriend before you got anyone else involved, but he never quite lets you talk either. He’s always begging for you to shut up, and you figured you were probably annoying enough as is. No need to keep pursuing something he wouldn’t even listen to. Or want to hear any of.

Thing is, you trusted Mr. Captor. And whatever made you trust him, parted your lips enough to spill the truth out to him. “I think Sollux is ashamed ‘a me.” You admitted, eyes stinging again with threatening tears.

His frown deepened, and the one question you silently prayed not to hear had been thrown out there. “What makes you think that?” and when you didn’t respond for a moment longer, Mr. Captor spoke up again. “Sollux really loves you, Eridan. I don’t think he’s ashamed of you. He’d do anything for you and he’d be hurt if he lost you, he just doesn’t know how to handle most situations. Especially not these kinds, Eridan.” At that, his fingers were brushing along your scars with a ginger touch. From the look on his face, you could tell this was bothering him. Yet, he didn’t ask further questions, and the look on his face wasn’t enough to say he was confused, either. Oddly enough, you’d think he lived this situation somewhere in the past.

Before you could say a thing, he confirmed your suspicions, pulling back and allowing you to drop your hands back to your sides as he made himself comfortable in his seat again. You did too, since slumping like this wasn’t at all comfortable. “You know,” he started, lowering his gaze to his hands, which were resting on his lap. “Your dad and I lived something similar. We argued about the smallest things; always broke up for about an hour or two before we were forgiving each other and begging to take one another back.” You’d heard this story a thousand times before. The only stories your father ever told that you were still interested in, were the ones of his relationship with Sollux’s dad. “Somewhere along the road, your dad took on some self-harming tendencies, and it took him a year or two to break out of them. Even to this day, I don’t know why he’d fallen into them in the first place.” And this, unfortunately, was where the story always ended. Your own father couldn’t ever once tell you why he had those scars littering his arms like you do. And you knew better than to ask. Instead, you nodded.

“Mr. Captor?” you interrupted, watching as he fell into a trance-like state, lost in memories. He snapped out of it, looking up at you with a soft “Hm?”, pulling on a smile just for you. When he smiled, you’d be damned if you didn’t practically always just smile back. “Thanks anyway.”

“Anytime, Eridan.” His smile remained, even as he raised himself from his seat and walked over to ruffle your hair. You didn’t complain, though if it were anyone other than him (even your own dad), you would have.

You could ask yourself why this man was the only one capable of making you smile long enough to make it count anymore. Or why this man could cheer you up from even the worst situations.

But you’d be damned if you were falling for this man, years older than you.


	4. Chapter 4

no, this isnt a new chapter :'[ I actually didn't realize just how many kudos this had, despite the constant email notifications. I originally thought of abandoning this fic, but I do wanna take it back up.  
so, I'm asking you guys, on how this fic should go.  
do I take up the original plan and end it with eripsii (pale erisol, probably), or do i fix their relationship problems and end in erisol (pale eripsii then).  
the fic could honestly go either way, and this decision is gonna affect future chapters, so thank you for your response! n v n


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